This new girl at work was amazing to meet. Incredibly forward, ready to take steps. We “dated” for a short time, partying together, flirting making out. We were ripping this town apart. There was a sexual chemistry unlike anything I had felt. You see, while I have had threesomes, this was different. Pengrah wanted her, I wanted her and she, at that point, wanted both of us. Pure sexual energy. Our friends could not be around us because of the energy. It was a constant state of horny. At this point it was just fucking a friend…
Roll ahead a few months. We celebrated our anniversary (wedding) with her in our bed. Pengrah was falling for her, hard. Imaging a life with her, moving in with us and starting a family. My brain hurt, I was devastated. Not because I didn’t like the idea, but because I had a “what the fuck” moment. Is that possible. Can you do that? I didn’t mind Pengrah falling in love, I just couldn’t grasp the concept of poly. Fucking other women is easy, loving more than one was a mind fuck.
A few weeks after Pengrah brought up falling for her and building a family, I started to fall for her. Or maybe the idea of her, but I don’t think so. I didn’t know what it was or what it did. But jealousy raged inside of me. I felt 14 again, I had lost the tools I learned in dealing with my inner demons and they became released. The jealousy stemmed directly from knowing that Pengrah or I would never be in her life full time. We were being used like sex toys, the same way we wanted to use her. However with feelings involved I knew it was a losing battle. I wanted all the time I could with her sexually and hated knowing she was with other men.