*BIG OLD FUCKING DISCLAIMER* THESE ARE MY FEELINGS. THIS IS KIND OF A VENT. I'M ASKING FOR HELP AND OPINIONS. PLEASE NO ONE READ THIS AND HAVE A FUCKING MENTAL BREAKDOWN.*
Hello again everyone.
I almost deleted my account here. HMA encouraged Adrian to create an account (which apparently she did) and read through the boards and maybe post on her own. After the last time that happened, and the reaction that came from it, I frankly felt as though I couldn't post here anymore. But, I decided that the support I get from everyone here is so invaluable to me during this ungodly time is something I can't let go of right now. So here I am, consequences be damned.
The last few days have been yet another emotional roller coaster from HELL. There were a few good hours in there - a cursory agreement was reached that Lana and I (but mostly me) would trust HMA to do as he saw fit in the situation. That means spending time when and where he saw it best to do so based on the needs he perceived from everyone, and taking the time to do it in a way that allowed him to not stress how everyone was feeling. It sort of worked - he was feeling much better, and for a minute, I was too.
After the blowout of Adrian reading through this thread, she's had several changes of heart. She went from outright saying that she had no desire to try with Lana and I anymore - that she'd respect us, but was done reaching out and trying to be friends. Today, she told HMA she was wanting to bite the bullet and let everything go and try to be friends and get along again.
Lana and I have been through the emotional ringer. We're both done trying. I'm going to stop speaking for her, though, unless she's sitting right next to me. Because apparently, that just makes for too much need for clarification on her position. So, it's just me here now. I'm so done with this shit. I have come to the point where now, whether rationally or irrationally, I absolutely HATE Adrian. I hate her. HATE HER. I'm not sure there's anything left inside to try WITH.
"No lover, if he be of good faith, and sincere, will deny he would prefer to see his mistress dead than unfaithful."
-Marquis De Sade
"Variety, multiplicity are the two most powerful vehicles of lust.."
-Marquis De Sade