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Old 08-02-2010, 11:08 PM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Vegas, Baby!
Posts: 348
Default HMA's Side of the Story (was "Trapped in Poly")

Oh boy.

So Violet and Lana and Adrian and I have been moving along okay, some tense times but a lot of good ones, per other posts Adrian moved in a couple weeks ago and Lana is no longer "just a friend" and is officially a "girlfriend" now - we're now about as poly as it gets in this house, save for none ofthe girls have outside interests yet.

Violet has been struggling with several personal issues of late. Without going into detail, she's been "unsure of who she is anymore" and all kinds of issues have arisen, even so far as to cause doubt on our relationship (never mind the poly ones)! Things have been worked on, but it's been a struggle for sure. The other girls have largely been helpful, though also occasionally a cause of stress as well, cuz we're a house with 4 humans in it, lol.

So now it boils down to - Violet feels teerribly threatened by Adrian, and has other issues with outr relationship as well. She's fine with Lana. But it's gotten so bad with Adrian that she says she feels sick seeing her even hug me. And they are not communicating worth a damn anymore, the tiniest conversation turns into an argument.

They got along fine 3 weeks ago.

The thing is - Violet approved Adrian and I seeing each other. Then approved adding Adrian to the relationship. Then approved moving her in. Vioet was informed of the progress between Adrian and I romantically, and was told when it was approaching the "point of no return" - and had no issues. Adrian has very few - essentially none - connections in town, no family, no real friends; she has thrown a lot in with us by moving in. She is also VERY in love with me - and WAS (would like to be still) with Violet as well. Adrians first and long awaited experience with a women was with Violet. She's also become fairly close friends with Lana. She has a kitten here, lol. Adrian isn't going to just go away - and frankly nobody but Violet wants her to.

Violet is in agony over this, and she's my soulmate. I can't bear to see her like this!

Adrian is deeply hurt by this, and is scared to death that I'm going to dump her to save Violet's heart. I am very in love with Adrian and couldn't concieve of such a thing.

All 3 women have stated their desire to be with me, to be in this household, to make everything work - but Violet, who introduced poly to all of us in the first damned place, is literally ill over this issue. And she can't figure out why - she openly admits that's it's irrational.

What do you do when everyone wants to be here and is willing to share - but one member irrationally hates another, to the detriment of all? And that member happens to be part of the "core" of the group?

She feels trapped, and we all feel scared and hurt.

Ideas?
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