Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion
When my wife got her first gf, I didn't meet them until things were well underway. And I pretty much just trust my wife to find partners that will work for her....I haven't found anything to worry about so far that would require any kind of 'pre-approval' as such.
So, when my wife's current gf asked me if it was ok to ask my wife out on a date, I was initially surprised...and unsure why she'd be asking me for permission. It kind of struck me as similar to the archaic permission of asking permission from parents to marry their daughter (notwithstanding the fact that I asked her parents for permission to marry her). And since I don't presume to have much control over who my wife dates, I didn't know why I was being asked. Seemed to make more sense to me to ask my wife....since she was the one being pursued.
That being said...and having had some time to get used to the idea...and perhaps to find out a little more about why the gf was asking...checking in as it were...it makes a lot more sense to me now. And while it's still not necessary for me to be asked, I certainly appreciate the courtesy and respect shown by those who would take the extra effort to check in ahead of time. It speaks to their character and lets me know that my wife is going to be in good hands.
Imaginary, this is exactly the arrangement my gf and I have. I've dated so many men since she and I met, it would be ridiculous to expect her to meet all of them before I started dating them...
She's met exactly 3 of the 25 or so men I have dated. 2 were met well after my relationships with them were underway. The 3rd she met after I'd only seen the guy once, b/c he was a (hot) plumber and offered to come by and look at her stopped-up sink. He ended up staying for dinner and a DVD, and after that, she left the room and he and I made out on the couch for a while...
Since I meet men on okc, quite a few have also chatted here there, so they "met" in a way, before or after my first date with them.
However, there is one poly couple I am getting involved with. The husband and I like and are attracted to each other a lot. His wife sees he wants a real relationship with me, not just a play partner. She told me she has different rules for his play partners and for ppl he wants a deeper relationship with. For casual partners she said her rule is:
Don't forget where home is
For deeper relationships, she likes to meet/approve the other person before things progress too far.