*hugs* I'm sorry Redpepper, I didn't mean to upset you with my post. Just trying to help people understand that wanting that closeness within a poly dynamic isn't an unrealistic fantasy, it's possible. I have to admit that if my husband didn't have a gf, our situation would be very, very different. It helps that each of us have similar relationships with our other partners.
I don't have a close relationship with my husbands gf and my husband and bf are not really close. They are 'friendly' and don't mind hanging out in a group setting, but they don't spend time together without me in the room. In some ways it would be nice to have everyone as one big, happy family. It's also nice to have a bit of separation between the relationships. It can give a bit of perspective that would be harder if we were all together all the time. They are both a huge part of MY life, but necessarily part of each others. They seem ok with that too.
You know that although my living situation may be the ideal, my relationships aren't without some heartache, they are far from perfect