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Old 08-12-2010, 03:42 AM
inlovewith2 inlovewith2 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 117
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[QUOTE=anotherbo;39248]T
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his makes a lot of sense to me. It is yours, and you surely deserve to enjoy it (finally).
We both do!!! And thank you for recognizing this.

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That said, it must be incredibly painful for DW to have to share, just when you're starting to feel good about it.
Yes, I can only imagine how much so.

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Are you having trouble enjoying it as much with DW as others? Nothing you specifically said has made me think this, just a feeling. Please let me know if I'm way off base.
Now? No!!!! But because of the way I coped when sex was difficult for me (most of the time), I did not enjoy often. Now, I *always* enjoy it. I think he fully recognizes this benefit. Where he gets stuck, and I"ll let him correct me, is that he somehow thinks he was inadequate to allow me to enjoy it.

From a logical standpoint, this makes sense. But as I've told him repeatedly, and will gladly say again, sex was going to become frightening for me at some point (the point at which I trusted the person enough to let on that I was afraid) no matter *whom* I was with.

And I don't discount the possibility that old habits could return in new relationships either. I just know now that martyrdom doesn't do anyone any good. I *must* communicate it immediately. No question. I've been a slow learner on that one. And honestly, part of what is so appealing (there are many parts of course) about poly, is that I'm not as worried about losing those relationships. If I have trouble, and the partner indicates that he (or she) can't handle it, then I know they aren't a good fit for me. I have got to be honest and authentic.

I'm not busy worrying about all that's at stake--marriage, family, etc. I have those "things" (and think they are great).

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But if I'm not, this must be another really painful blow for DW to absorb.
Absolutely. Honestly, *I* think this is the heart of it.

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I am so impressed with you guys, the way you've been working through all this!
Thanks so much!!!
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Christie
Married for 14 years to an amazing man, "David Webb" on the forum
Discovered that I was poly in January 10,
forging my path together with the best partner I could ever ask for!
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