Secrets have energy. What people are looking for is not love, but distraction. A shame-based, mixed message culture encourages duplicitous behavior. For me, cheating has always equalled simple misery, but I admit, before the fact and act, it had an allure. The excitement of a lie. Lies do have energy, the energy of separation from reality. It's a willful and greedy embrace of the ego. Lots of people don't want love anyway, they just want to be desired, or to feel desire. Honesty now is the sexiest power now, for me, but used to just elicit fear. I used to even lie and say "My relationship is ending" when I was pursuing someone new, even when the relationship was actually just going along. Or I would say "We have a DADT arrangement." Ha, right. Unilateral shenanigans.
But it is definitely true that many women are not interested in open, honest and communicated situations. If I changed my OKC profile to lie and say I am in an unhappy marriage, I am just looking for excitement and adventure on the side, I would have a lot more going on. It's very funny.
What we take for love is often just an exchange of pathologies under the table.
Last edited by immaterial; 08-11-2010 at 07:00 PM.