Hey Baka, I feel for you and your quandry.
Speaking from experience, as a 55 yr old woman... I married at age 22 to a guy I'd been with for 3 yrs. I didnt know about polyamory at that time, but I married him still having feelings, not for one other specific person, but knowing I was very subject to being attracted to others. My husband never could handle this. He had low self esteem and would get jealous if I so much as danced with another man.
Fast forward to now. We had a long marriage, over 30 years, and 3 kids, but my straying eye never stopped straying. I never cheated on him but I know now I am naturally poly. This is one of the reasons we broke up in 2008.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 36), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years