Thanks for the vote of confidence Mono my love.
I wrote to Nerdist this morning to suggest that we back right up to my not having Mono be a part of our lives at all. I could remain at my OH and at home and carry on as is with two lives. I think that we would have to do this slowly for our boys sake, no more sleep overs, no more pick ups from school, no more babysitting by Mono, and no spending time at our house when anyone is there but me. Just as it was in the beginning. I thought that might help him find the path that works best for him that is not self sacrificing and giving too much of himself. I also added that I didn't know what it would do to my relationship with him, but suspected it would make my connection to him less. Something I know he doesn't want and neither do I.
He was very upset with this idea. He loves having Mono around and his being part of our lives, he just doesn't know how he will feel about living with him and knowing we are intimate and have a life together out side of him.
I told him we could take it one day at a time and that I can wait longer.
I also told him that I can't handle him saying let's have Mono move in on December 1st as he just said this weekend and then decide he didn't want that after finding out we had sex on our couch. I am struggling with the reprocutions of that emotional rollercoaster now and that is too hard for me. Instead, and in order to protect myself I have told him he needs to work on this stuff alone I think and I will not continue to assume that it will work out to be what's best for me.
I am beginning the task of figuring out what I am going to do if it doesn't work out that Mono moves in. The fact of the matter is that I have a child to consider and his best interest is that I am happy, his dad is happy and that we stay friendly and loving. I think I need to wear my big girl panties, suck it up, plaster a smile on my face and take a door out when it comes up if this doesn't get better. That could mean leaving and getting my own place at some point in order for me to be with them both.
In the mean time Derby's husband is home. I'm so glad she is taken care of and I am not in the way of her needs being met also.