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Old 08-07-2010, 03:59 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by Spades View Post
"First question : Do you have any actual confirmation that his wife knows about you ?

It would be awful if he were that much of a liar. He talks about her reactions to me sometimes. but, no, I don't have any actual confirmation.
You might want to get actual confirmation. Even a one off. Might make you more comfortable with the situation. In all honestly, I think this is a big red flag. ...However there are successful relationships built on a DADT policy (don't ask don't tell) however that doesn't mean YOU are comfortable with it.

seeing him every two weeks is a downer. but I appreciate the feedback superjast. It is helpful for me to see what others are getting time wise in their poly relationships.
I have a gut feeling Superjast is having more of a challenge with distance instead of an exclusive agreement limiting sexual contact to every two weeks. ...While I do know of relationships locking into time constraints, they aren't locked in, as I mentioned below

That said, if you feel thats unfair to you, thats unfair to you. Maybe he can't offer more than two weeks, thats fair...however locking you into a bi-weekly sexual experience is not fair.

I'm wondering if I should keep my options open to finding another person who can spend more time with me, almost like another primary, and allow him to be more of a satellite.
To use labels, yes you are his secondary, enjoy it and work with it. Nothing wrong with it at all...but everyone (ok...not everyone but most) needs to feel that love and affection from a daily love. Someone that they don't have a lot of hard rules to follow to see or be intimate with.

As with all things poly, your rules aren't bad, but they should always be up for renegotiation.
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