The thing is I've only just discovered I can love more than one person at a time. John was the first occurrence of this. John understands my feelings and worries for me that things might break between Bob and I if I do not tell Bob the truth, but I know Bob will not understand.
I didn't even know it was possible to love more than one man at a time until John came along, and both John and Bob can give me different things that the other can not. I don't know anyone else who loves more than one person, and those people I do know here would be against the idea. I don't want to hurt Bob, but I know he will not understand this. And I am conflicted, so much so it hurts and I have cried many times about this with John when he has brought it up that I need to tell Bob about things before we tie the knot and it is too late.
My family does not know about John or my feelings for him, nor do I think they would ever understand. They have inadvertently come to expect my marriage, are excited about it, and they want me to be happy. I worry I will not find this being bound to Bob, but he is so very stubborn about things, and close minded, that I doubt I could open his heart to understand this.
I am at this moment very scared and confused.