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Old 08-06-2010, 01:47 AM
cerisenoir cerisenoir is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1
Default polyamorous or just have issues?

First, I've always had issues with losing interest in someone after a few months. I've been told that I'm "afraid of commitment." I think more accurately the problem is that the world seems so full of people who are attractive and interesting, I can't just stop it seems.
I've attempted poly relationships in the past, always at the request of my partners, and they've always turned out badly. Typically, my partner uses the other person/people they're seeing to try and get an emotional reaction out of me. I'm in the process of a divorce, after being with my spouse for almost three years. When we started out, my partner wanted to "see other people", which I responded to by saying, of course we're seeing other people since that's what dating is. After a while, my partner decided to be strongly against us seeing others (she would get massively jealous if she thought anyone was attracted to me, as most of my poly-requesting partners have...) Long story short, the sex went downhill after a couple of years and she ended up cheating on me. I left and of course she blames me for the failure of our marriage.
Recently (since we separated and I moved out a few months ago) I have started dating again. I'm dating men (it really upset my spouse that I've been with men in the past) and I'm wondering if I was wrong in feeling that I'm a lesbian. Since then I've had sex with one guy and it was very satisfying. Men have been asking me for dates and saying that I'm pretty, and it feels really good. I think I got really frustrated at being with someone who constantly encouraged me and manipulated me into looking ugly.
Anyway, I've recently met two men and a woman who I really enjoy being around, and who have asked me for dates. I already feel guilty for being interested in more than one person. It's too early to even talk about it with the three potential dates, but I feel like I'm doing something sneaky. They're all such great people and deserve the best. I'm afraid of being forced to pick a primary partner, when I really like all three so far.
To add to all this, I don't know if I have enough time for three relationships. I don't want to cause bad feelings and suffering for anybody. I'm already afraid to ask for a poly situation, because I don't want to hurt anyone.
I also have the self-knowledge that I'm really bad at sticking it out when it comes to difficulties and issues. Particularly with people who have poor communication skills and like to shout and carry on. Could this be my way of trying to get out of making a commitment to someone? Do I have issues? Or am I on to a good idea that just needs planning?
Please give me your thoughts and advice.
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