Engaged Woman Seeking Help
I am a woman who is engaged to be married soon before Halloween this year, but I am finding myself in crisis and am tearing myself up over feelings which I do not know are normal or not.
My fiancée proposed to close to a year ago and I could not have been more excited about it. He is kind, has a great sense of humour, is happy to support me, and his family likes me and gets along with me. He is Christian and while he does not attend church he knows alot about scripture. His negative traits are that he is stuck in his ways and much as he pretends to be open minded he is not.
Bearing this in mind, this is what has happened. A few months after his proposal I met another man. He has found and released parts of me I never knew existed and I very much enjoy. My feelings for him have grown and he has revealed his feelings for me also. To keep things straight I will simply call him John, and my fiancée Bob.
Bob knew about John well before John ever revealed his feeling to me, and before I had developed feelings for him. Bob knew of him when John and I were still friends. At that time Bob already had a bad feeling about John which he could not explain of back up. At that time I assured Bob that his concern was unfounded, that I loved him and he had no need to have bad feelings. At that time Bob didn't see John as a threat Bob just had an uneasy feeling about John.
Well time went on, and I started to spend more time with John and learned more about him and he me. He unlocked parts of me that I never knew existed (though the clues had always been there in retrospect), which I very much enjoy.
Now as my wedding date draws closer I am tearing myself apart, becasue I do love both Bob and John, which I never knew possible. I was brought up Christian, while I was not devout, I do believe in God, but know very little about scripture. The good little Christian girl is telling me that my feelings for John are wrong and I should never have allowed things to happen with him as they did, but the other half of me is telling me how much I enjoy that time and do not want to give it up. Because of Bob's beliefs I am certain that if he knew that I love both him and John he would be angry and our potential marriage would disintegrate. My family also loves Bob very much and have been excited and joyful in the planning of my wedding with me and are happy for me.
Bob and I do have our problems, and I am very much afraid to tell him about things with John. I do not know what to do. It tears me apart inside. Soon I will be moving in with Bob and will have to hide my relationship with John because I can not give that up, and I believe Bob will be very hurt and not understand how I can still love him even though I do love John too.
The good little Christian girl in me feels like John is a temptation sent by the devil, but then why does it feel so good and so right when I am with him? Or is this a test sent by God to test my faithfulness to my future husband? Is it wrong to love two men like this?
I need help and advice, I can not call off the wedding, I do not want to hurt Bob, but I am tearing myself apart right now with my feelings. I will have to hide my relationship with John when I move in with Bob and my time with John will be harshly limited. What should I do? I just don't know....