Polyamory is making me mad! HELP!
I am 23, I love the NW, I love electronic music and dancing and poi and theatre!
I am in a mono relationship... before I met my boyfriend, I was looking into being poly... in fact I was dating alot of other people and I liked where it was going... but the more I was with this one the more I liked him and eventually we ended up together on a crazy trip into monogamy. I covet him... I've met someone that I work with so well I don't feel comfortable being poly, atleast not yet. Even if I was interested right now, how do you make those first steps and how the hell am I suppose to not feel threatend by whoever he chooses to date... it just seems like it will all spiral out of control and end badly.... mostly for me! Polyamory is hard! I am a jealous person, I want to end that part of myself but shutting down that part of me just doesn't come naturally... I FEEEEL, I am passionatly in love with this person, How do I watch him passionatly like or love another? .. I am willing but the steps seem vague and I'm not sure how to just stop being jealouse?
For the past couple of weeks there has been a girl that emails him saying sexual things including talking to him about having oral sex with him even though he says he has been adament in telling her that he is NOT SINGLE and not interested... she has been persistant... (not an everyday occurance but more then once this week)
(I would have never been the wiser if he hadn't have said somthing to me about it, by the way, but I think he felt guilty? maybe...)
finally this morning she both emailed him and posted things on his wall which I felt was blantanly disrespectful... so I said something back... I am a fairly bubbly person and I tried to be nice... I didn't fly off the handle, I didn't call her names, I didn't point fingers, I actually didn't even tell her what I thought of her and the fact that I felt like she didn't have any self respect... frankly I was just my weird self... you see I didn't want to make d (my boyfriend) feel like I was attacking her... just making it blatantly clear that I exist and if you want to be friends than fine but stop hitting on my boyfriend dammit! I can be immature and I sometimes have a hard time letting things go... did i react badly to this situation?