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Old 08-04-2010, 10:57 PM
jkelly jkelly is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 168

Well, to answer the question posed, "Not like that." It may be exaggerated for emphasis to inspire a conversation, but I found the description of how you practice polyamory both very couple-centric and very formal, and pretty far from my experience.

Originally Posted by sashalessinphd View Post
We advocate ahimsa–harmlessness–candor, transparency. We believe in truth, disclosure and kindness.
Well, sure. I don't advocate harming people, either. But I think that there are some assumptions here that I don't agree with. For one thing, I don't think that asking for permission from a potential date's (every other?) partner is a very effective way of making sure that no one will ever get upset or be made uncomfortable. For another, I don't know that making someone uncomfortable or upsetting thm is "harming" them. For yet another, I'm pretty sure that I could, if I looked hard enough, find someone somewhere who objected to my dating anyone I could possibly be involved with, and I'm not sure why their opinion doesn't count in terms of absolute harmlessness.

I'd be unhappy in a situation where I didn't have a friendly relationship with a partner's other partner(s). It'd make things kind of awkward and uncomfortable, and it would impact my thinking about the relationship. But I generally expect that my partners are going to be better at managing their other relationships than I would be, and don't think taking responsibility to try to do it for them makes much sense.
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