Compersion increases the depth between partners. You aren't reaching compersion, you are simply shutting down as a way to deal with the tortuous emotions you have been feeling. That isn't good if you hope to continue business as usual after AC, it means eventually you will become complacent and eventually you will see them from outside of yourself as friends that once were a part of your life. Your wife as one does an ex lover; curious about them, smiley at the good times, loving them for the journey you went on yet not feeling that connection any more, because something in your heart died.
No, in my opinion you are on your way out.
If this affair does end before that something completely dies, I hope that she reads all this or at least you tell her all this, because she created this. You sound like a woman that loves with a huge force behind you. I admire that and appreciate it. I think you deserve more for your efforts and would love to know when you actually get the love, respect and appreciation you deserve.
I highly doubt things will ever be the same AC, I would love you to prove me wrong, but she has changed now. I suspect you have more than you think. At the very least you perhaps could start a new journey with deeper understanding of each other and use the lessons learned. I will hold out for that, although I'm not holding much hope at this point with your latest thoughts. You could just let it go and feel this way, or fight those feelings and make one last ditch attempt at creating a change in this situation.
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