Pardon double post - missed Mono's response
I don't think this would be possible unless the mono turns off parts of their hearts and minds to avoid a spiral into despair. We all have to be strong and independant enough to take care of ourselves. Look inward....are you sacrificing yourself for the happiness of another or sharing in that experience
Thats exactly what I was searching for!! Thank you both for articulating it. Yes, parts of my heart and mind are clicking off like gears, but it seems like the more they do, the closer compersion I feel - which makes no sense!!
Am I sacrificing my happiness for my wife? Absolutely. I have no issue with temporairily doing that. The question I face is will she return it to me once she figures out exactly what she wants. Can we find some way, some day, to meet in the middle. I am certain, this little romance of hers, is destined for a short life-span. I just don't know what we will look like, who we will be when it's ended.
This all would be so much easier if I had had some warning, if it wasn't someone I had a previous friendship with, if he wasn't already in my social circle, and if he wasn't married. Should she find someone else who is Poly down the line, and discuss it with me first, I think I MIGHT be able to deal better. But this is just such a trainwreck.