I haven't posted an update in a while and I figure that I should now.
So my wife and I went back and forth on meeting B and H again. Eventually my wife confessed that her concern was that she either might feel rejected or might lose me. I assured her that nothing could make her lose me, and that I was afraid I might lose her instead. I suppose sometimes even if you talk over something for years (as we did) you still can't be sure how you'll feel when it happens. We decided that we weren't emotionally ready for a poly relationship, but we both felt that we did want to see B and H one more time for sexy times. My wife thought all of us were nervous the first time around and the second time might be better, and I agreed.
So we met up again with B and H for a sex-only meeting. And the sex was awesome...for me and B. Afterward my wife admitted that H was a--how should I put this--brute-force lover. It was obvious to me that she wasn't enjoying H's attentions, but she was really enjoying watching me and B. My wife tried to have fun with B as well but was so sore from H's pounding that she couldn't. (Geez, I didn't intend to write like this, but it is important for the resolution, trust me.) We'd always agreed that if this wasn't fun for the both of us it shouldn't continue, and, even though my wife enjoyed the voyeuristic aspect of it, it wasn't difficult for us to decide that it might be a good idea to end this. As my wife said (and again sorry this is TMI) "I don't need to be turned into hamburger."
So, the end, right? Well, I thought so...till we got a message from B which was all over the map. "If you don't want (CowleyRoad) to meet up with me alone, that's OK!" Wait...what about H? "We can still be friends...or maybe something more...we just have so much to offer each other!" Yipe. Seems that B wants to make an end-run around H, and that's bad, because she's the one interested in polyamory, not him. So up until now we'd been thinking, right, we'll end this, no hard feelings on either side--but it does appear B wants things to continue in some way. Gah, we weren't ready for this. Especially after my wife had said semi-seriously that she might be up for seeing B without H...but quickly added she would never try to hurt H's feelings that way. And even though I am totally on board with ending it, it's still hard on a primal level to resist the siren call of B. We didn't want to go without hurting B, but it looks like that might happen anyway.
Mainly, all of this has brought me a new understanding of different lifestyles. We talked about this for years and it is still emotionally draining for us! Those of you who are in this lifestyle (and still have cared to take the time to help me out, thank you so much
), I have the utmost respect for you. This was just too much for us to handle. It was great that my wife could explore her bisexuality and that she could "share the wealth" as she put it, but it's time to step back.