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Old 08-03-2010, 01:17 PM
cattwoman cattwoman is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 6

He and I are completely aware of her codependency issues (and usually I am very independent!) We were discussing things and he joked last night that shes latched to his leg while hes chasing me, my heart and feelings down.... I am aware of my need to be a caregiver (I have had so much counseling, etc-alcoholic abusive father, single mother...). I recognize my need to fix people and when I had gone through my divorce and job loss I had extensive therapy in which we addressed this. My former bosses were a husband and wife team and she was bipolar. I became extremely codependent to the point I completely lost myself and my self-esteem to them and it fractured my life-including my previous marriage. My friends that were present during that time just recently pointed out that my relationship with her is very similar and warned me of repeating old habits... was very sobering!

I have been reading a lot here and other sites and extensively exploring secondary rites and such and was so prepared to discuss my concerns on Sunday and it became all about her again... I know that she has needed help for an extensive amount of time (not just because of this or me) But he and I discussed last night that I just needed to be heard. And while I feel he does listen and hear me (he has dealt with her behavior like this for 14 years) I needed some acknowledgment of my feelings from her. I feel like she is the center of attn and if that attn starts to stray from her she creates something to bring it around... (Every time we've gone out some form of drama or another has occurred...).

I can understand mental illness and can tell myself all I want that her feelings and actions are coming from a bad place and irrational thoughts she can not control but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

I feel like I want to attempt to pursue this-I have intense feelings for him (dare I say love...) and I do have feelings for her-she just makes it impossible for people to show love to her... Even he says that she doesn't willingly accept love from him and even she has said in the past that she doesn't deserve love. (which was so painful to hear because she is a beautiful person inside and out and I have felt that feeling before-its not a pretty feeling...). I can not at this time feel love for her and I have told him that I can not go immediately go back to sharing feelings with her because the way shes acts towards me. She has pushed me away and made me resent her. I don;t want that because during this time apart I have realized that it isn't all about him... I really do care about her and don't want to loose either of them in my life.

I am realistic about all of this. I know that this is going to be a long process and through all of this she may decide that this isn't what she wants. If that's the case I am willing to walk away because I must respect her feelings. He has never dealt with mental illness and just thought she was sad..... so for that I am glad that I came into their life and if anything she can get the help she needs to be happy.

Idk if I'm prepared to move on... Idk if it is just my need to fix people that keep me there or if it is my feelings for them... I can't imagine my life without either of them but at the same time I need a change. I hope that things can improve and we can have more consistent good times like we have shared in the past...
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