Hmm. So Jim's a computer guy, eh? Simple deduction Watson, though I could be wrong. Lots of people come to Vegas all thetime - and some came this weekend that weren't here for DefCon, I suppose.
That's a heckuva mess. Jim needs a shot in the arm and to learn some relationship manners - though frankly, I would have qualified as in his league a couple short years ago. Too bad I didn't know he was in town until now - we coulda takin him out too, just for 6 degrees sake, lol.
You and your wife have this down pretty well it seems. I also think it should be clear to all that no wrongdoing was made by either of you. Yes, you could have talked to BOTH of them ASAP, but ce' la' vie. Frankly, Jim and Ellan need to talk HONESTLY with each other, and I get the idea that having you two there to act as referees - while uncomfortable for Jim - may be just what is needed.