Looking for some perspective
I'm Z, 38, and married to N for 9 years. We started out not quite monogamous -- but the unspoken premise was conventional monogamy.
We opened up the relationship multiple times, and I dated other women. Through this experimentation and the excruciatingly painful drama that followed, we're pretty certain that I'm as poly as they come, and I am out as such to friends and family. Unfortunately, N's self-discoveries lead in the opposite direction -- she's pretty certain she needs a conventional "closed" marriage for at least a few years.
So here we are in the dreaded monopoly minefield, and carrying our kids along for the ride. It is hard for both of us as there is almost no common ground. To add to the pain and pressure, one of my two long-distance girlfriends, K, recently left me, mostly because she was unable to handle the drama. The other, G, is showing growing signs of distress. Within a year G will either move closer with the expectation of having a normal secondary relationship, or break up with me as well.
It's getting high time to make some hard decisions, and I am hoping to glean some wisdom from the collective experience on this site.