My husband and I are both really new to poly, and for that matter avoiding anything but friendship because we are having some career related difficulties in our marriage that we are being counseled for right now. However, once those resolve, and we reach the stage at which it is a good time to add other loves, neither of us see how any relationship that is truly loving can proceed based on lies or even evasions. How is it loving to jeopardize your new love's previous relationship by not being totally inclusive and honest with the other love or loves of your new love? I am Jewish though lean a bit to being pagan friendly (no one who is interested in the dark side however). My husband is a convert to Judaism of his own wish himself. I really fail to understand how sneaking around on at least one of someone in the poly group's partners is either loving or true to poly as I've been understanding it, and I really think that approach is doomed to produce the kind of unhealthy dramas that some folks are posting. I really enjoy seeing the posts of Redpepper and her partner as it gives me hope that stable healthy poly relationships are not a myth.