Learning is Life Long
I was just reading through some of my older posts and discovered I have come a long way during the last five years!
At first I definitely wanted the freedom to do and be what I wanted & needed to but I was scared to do it. Eleven years of mental & emotional abuse will do that to a person.
It's OK to be scared though. It gives you a reason to do some self introspection, to learn who you are and why those things scare you and what you can do to not have them scare you any more.
I've come from being a gal just out of a bad relationship who was scared to talk to anybody for fear they would think I was some unmentionable thing to someone who WILL talk to others once she gets over her shyness or uncomfortableness in certain situations.
I owe some of it to my first Master. He gave me the support I needed to get out of that situation by getting an apartment of my own. He & I parted ways a long while ago but I will always have a soft spot in my heart for him because of that.
I owe a lot of it to Breathes. He's been my support for the last five years. He lets me vent and rant when I need to & doesn't hold it against me in any way--he doesn't throw it back in my face at a later date--it happens, it's over and forgotten. He makes me laugh when I don't really feel like there's a bright spot left in my life. He lets me explore who I am in the poly world, the BDSM world and the vanilla world without judging me. He offers guidance & support in any of my endeavors without telling me I can't do anything, or even making me FEEL like I can't do anything I put my mind to.
I love him to the depths of my soul & I don't think I could ever give back to him even a fraction of what he's given me.
Some of it I owe to my own precious self. I've come a very long way indeed since I left the ex. I've learned that it IS ok to have friends without having to report everyone's comings & goings to anyone. As long as I'm happy with myself then that's all I really need, the rest is just cream cheese icing on the cake!