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Old 08-02-2009, 03:56 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900

Originally Posted by DestinyWaits View Post
...has anyone else ever had the problem where because you are married that the "new" partner, reguardless of equality, seems to bring up the "because you're married" thing whenever things don't go a certain way or when things seem to be going a different way then expected? Or uses the "you are married" line regularly?
Unfortunately, as the law currently stands, with marriage comes all sorts of legal rights and privileges. Regardless of how people may "feel in their heart", it still stands that two members of the triad have more legal rights and security than the third. This includes rights to hospital visitation, child custody, health insurance, power of attorney, etc. If a third does join a poly couple in some form of marriage, that third is doing so with a great deal more risk than the couple is, regardless of how committed everybody is emotionally. I find it amazing that lots of couples can't understand why this inherent practical inequity can be an issue for a third. I often wonder of married couples wanting a third to join them- would they be willing to divorce each other and one of them marry the third instead?

This (among other reasons I have laid out in other posts) is why I never desire to be a third that joins a couple in a polyfi triad. If being in a closed triad was my relationship style, I might be more willing to consider three people if we all three came together at the same time and none of us were married, but honestly, that's not what I'm looking for.
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