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Old 07-30-2010, 09:29 PM
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RatatouilleStrychnine RatatouilleStrychnine is offline
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I know you didn't write this, YGirl, but you did quote it, and I wanted to add some comments:

Quote:
I think people are a little too optimistic about the privacy of sperm donation, egg donation, closed adoptions, and the like. I know several people who came of age right around the time that adoption records started to become available to the kids who had been adopted, and one girl I know made her real mom's life an absolute fucking mess because the girl was manic-depressive and unwell mentally, refused to receive treatment or meds because she wanted to keep hearing the voice of God inside her head which told her to do stuff (I think she was a tad schizophrenic too but mostly she had bipolar symptoms)....and she latched onto and stalked her real mom. Her real mom had been one of those sad teens of the early 1960's forced to give up her baby because she was an unwed mom; years later she got married and had two kids with her new husband. Then her adopted daughter shows up with a huge bucket of unfulfilled emotional need, and it totally wrecked all of the people involved.

I have also heard of people finding out who their sperm donor daddy was. So I don't think any of those activities like donating sperm or eggs should be seen as being childfree at ALL because you can DEFINITELY end up with a kid on your doorstep at some point. Same with "closed' adoptions. Laws change, records end up being shared (whether legally or through bribery).....so there is no such thing as total anonymity with that stuff. Which is scary!
I have some personal background that probably makes me more sensitive to this, I'm afraid, and so I take offense to the idea that a biological parent is the "real" parent. The "real" parent is the one who raised you. The girl in the story did not track her "real mom", because the woman who had her adopted was not her mom in any way. She was just a relative. And there is no way to prevent crazy relatives from making your life difficult, I'm afraid, even if you are CF.

The people who are tracked down by the products of their sperm donations may have ended up "with a kid on their doorstep", but it was not their kid. You can have unexpected genetic relations turn up on your doorstep whether you donate sperm or not.

In both cases (adopted away a daughter, donated sperm) the difficulties that may have arisen are nothing to do with having children, because the children were not theirs and the people had no responsibility to them. Unlike their actual parents, of course.

(None of this has much to do with the discussion about CF, but I feel very strongly about this.)

Last edited by RatatouilleStrychnine; 07-30-2010 at 09:34 PM.
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