I don't have any insight to offer about your last post Dazed, but I did want to reiterate what some others have posted...
Your wife and her BF have acted with tremendous selfishness and hurtfulness throughout this affair. You seem to be acting with enormous restraint, despite the pain.
I also want to affirm something you appear already to be doing.
This whole situation is so life-changing. If I read you right, what you really need is TIME, to think and adjust. And its so hard to think clearly when so much is changing.
Its hard for me to think that trust can be regained at this point... or that your wife won't be this disrespectful again in the future. But I'm not in your shoes, or your wife's shoes, and probably nobody but you can figure these things out.
If it was me, I would stall. Stall for time to think. Then make the best decision you can about your future, listening to both your head and your heart.
My heart goes out to you.