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Old 07-30-2010, 06:31 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by SayYes View Post
We try, as often as possible, to re-frame things in a way that's about *our* relationship. So rather than "Don't do X with Y," we try to turn it into "I need Z from you." Making it about asking to have our needs met from each other rather than criticizing each other's behavior with other partners seems to keep things in a really good perspective. So I guess my point is, are there things you can ask your partner for that would help you feel more comfortable that aren't about "don't do this with her" but are instead about "help me feel more comfortable by doing/showing more of ____ with me"?
I do something similar with my loves. It's important to keep it in the positive and moving forward rather than the stalemate statements of "don't do this" and "I don't like this." Its much more helpful and enriching to talk about things in terms of what one does like and what one could improve on next time.
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