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Old 07-30-2010, 01:34 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
I am not out to convert anyone to my way of thinking; I just like it when I do find other people who already think the way I do. This holds true for other things besides being CF.
I completely understand the desire to find like-minded people. But it seems, with all this raging confusion about the definition of CF, that just like with poly, it's much more direct to say "I think like this" and avoid the label. Because here are a bunch of us using that label who don't think exactly like that, or who have a slightly different definition for that label. If we were to all attend a social group for CF folk, it would turn out that maybe we aren't as like-minded as the group title may have implied.

I had never really considered the label before this thread, I just always went around saying "I don't ever want kids. I think they're great and a lot of fun, but I sure am glad when they go home!" ... Usually "I'm never having kids" was enough to establish whether someone else thought the same way, or at least to open the dialog.

Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Again, I invoke the "virginity comparison": If you had sex when you were unmarried and say, 17 years old, then you decided that sex before marriage is wrong, you're not a "born-again virgin". Once you have sex, your virginity is GONE - BYE BYE! The same goes for being CF. You can't un-ring that bell.
The virginity analogy fails. Yes, it's true that with being CF and being a virgin, once you pop that cork, you can never get the genie back in the bottle...

But a person is a virgin right up until the moment they have sex. Why can't a person be child-free right up until the moment they change their mind?

People change their religions, sexual orientations, even genders. Something like an attitude towards child-rearing seems much less fixed than those.

And while you've guaranteed that you'll never conceive your own biological babies, there's always adoption, hence it's still possible for even you to change your mind, unlikely as you say that is.

Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
If someone gave up a kid for adoption or had a kid that died or whatever and they want to call themselves CF, I can't really stop them, and if they don't tell me, then I have no way of knowing, but if I found out, I would certainly wonder why they find it necessary to identify themselves to the world as CF.
Perhaps I'm missing the specifics of "already think the way you do." People travel many paths to reach the same places. Perhaps I'm just less concerned with a person's history than you are.

To me, regardless of what someone has thought or done in the past, the important thing is how they think and behave now. My husband has a daughter, and yet every time we hear a kid crying, we look at each other and make some comment about how grateful we are never to have to deal with that.

I don't want to raise any kids. I suppose if I was more hardcore CF, I never would have entered a relationship with a man who had a child. I know there are people for whom that's a deal breaker. I'll say this much: watching someone grow from 13 has done nothing but strengthen my resolve never to repeat the experience!!!

I'd like to say that, like anything of this nature, CF comes in a spectrum, with yourself at one end, myself a little more towards the middle, and nymph clear across the other side.

*giggles* YGirl, you're like, a 6th degree black-belt CF
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 07-30-2010 at 01:37 AM.
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