Help! new to poly and negotiations went badly
Hi Im so distraught right now so please forgive me if my thread is insane or goes all over the place. Basically I have been dating my SO for 2 years today. He wants poly and I have agreed but have had a hard time accepting some of it. I laid out basic boundaries earlier in our relationship and he has violated most of the really important ones. There has been so much drama and I am left feeling like I cannot trust him at all. That's probably the bigger issue here. MY question is if my request is too unreasonable?
There is a young (20) female he has cheated on me with twice and I fear he might be very much in love with her only she does not return the feelings for him. Our last big break up where he violated our agreement. Had unsafe sex and lied to me. I was forced to move out. 2 weeks afterward he moved the 20 year old in with him. She lives there rent free and gets to drive his secondary vehicle that i once drove. He claims he has not had sex with her in a few months. But does want to continue having occasional sex with her.
He wants me to be his primary and her a secondary.
I am sooo jealous anytime he is not with me and is at home with her. When we tried to set out new boundries because we were getting back together i had a request that if he plans to continue to have sex with her she needs to live somewhere else. and if he isnt going to have sex with her but wants her to continue to live with him she needs to have her own room. every time i go to his place which used to be my home also I have a really hard time being there because i think of them having sex on the bed etc.
Until I feel that i can trust him again I need some peace of mind while hes away from me. The fact she lives there , makes it impossible i constantly worry that hes having sex with her. I go insane and feel like I relive each and every time he has violated my trust. We agreed that anytime one of us has a potential sexual partner that we made the other aware of it prior to having sex and that we would meet the other person first. and with her I just have to be in limbo whenever she decides to have sex with him again like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I cannot live with that kind of anxiety anymore it is killing me.
Please let me know if i am being unreasonable. Thank you for any feedback you can give me.