Thanks everyone for the replies
Redpepper: hmmm... the thing about asking him not to... for some reason I feel like I want to avoid that. For both of us, we are drawn to his whole poly thing in the first place because it means that both of us can explore new experiences while still having our loving relationship. Since this is the first real situation (and it's still a small one) after his main girlfriend from previously, guess I feel obliged to... set the tone? I want to eventually be easier and more confident with this, so why not start now?
Anyway, the thing that is scary and difficult is that he wants
to, not whether I allow him or not. I'm really trying to not be that person, I find the idea of pushing myself past these fears really exciting (then why I am whining about it here, then, right?)
Oh I don't know. SayYes, your advice is so simple yet I don't know why it wasn't obvious for me.
Just the difficult question of how to know when you are pushing yourself past old habits, learning scary new things, expanding etc and when you are just hurting yourself
The idea is beginning to crystallize in that I think I am a more monogamously minded poly - in that I like the plurality, the more the merrier, and I am truly not hurt or threatened by the one I love loving others. I am beginning to think that what is hurting me about all this is that it's casual sex. I have to figure out exactly why that stings so much...
Thank you so much for your advice