Originally Posted by Superjast
Quite honestly, she has to want to change.
She is not going to want to change, because as it stands right now,..she gets everything she wants. What motivation does she have to be any different ?
Right or wrong, she appears to be the puppet master.
As the outsider looking in,..this is not something you are going to be able to fix. This is a long-ingrained set up between the husband and the wife. It has to come from them; - the desire to change.
I am sure you have done the necessary back flips,..and he has tried 'talking' to her,..and she has opened up here and there,...but ultimately, by your own story, things are the same.
Look after yourself first,...love shouldn't make you sick.
Completely agree with all of this. She sounds very manipulative and controlling and that can cause the emotional outbreaks she is having. No doubt she has seen that her husband it connecting to you more than she is with you and visa versa and it is causing her to have some strong feelings of losing control as a result. Something she is not accustom to or wanting. Scary stuff for her and as a result, all of you.
I think if it were me I would start asking for your needs to be met. What do you have to lose. Ask for date nights with just him and also just her. Time to have bonding with him and some with her also. Get them out of the house, make plans and invite them to them.
Don't read into stuff too much and take the reins of you own life while inviting them along for the ride. Sometimes it works to be turn things around and take control of what one does. Who knows, maybe this whole control thing is getting old and she will be willing and curious to find what you have in store as ideas of stuff to do. Maybe not.
What do you have to lose? You might just lose them anyways, but at least you will have your life back and be on the road to doing what makes YOU happy rather than following their rules. I don't know why you would of started that in the first place? Sure you have respect for them as a couple, but where was the respect for your self and what you need out of the relationship?