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Old 07-29-2010, 12:40 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Originally Posted by jbird View Post
Hm. What's perplexing me now, further, is the idea that polyamory means wanting multiple relationships. Whereas for her I'm pretty sure it's the other way around. she just wants to be able to have sex with someone else. I'm not sure which one is better - for me. If either.
It sounds as though she doesn't want to do poly, but that she wants to have an open relationship. Simply wanting to fuck other people isn't poly--wanting to have serious relationships with other people is. An open relationship involves being able to fuck other people when the urge strikes.

I'd be having problems with her over the lack of honesty, myself. She waits until you're supposed to be moving 800 miles to bring up the fact that she wants to be able to fuck around? I'm thinking that's a bit late. I don't care whether it's due to an innate lack of honesty in dealing with other people or just gross disrespect for you, it's an extremely manipulative thing to do.

So, I'll echo those folks who have urged you to find your own place as soon as possible after arrival. There's a whole lot of things that need to be worked out for this relationship to be any good for you.
When speaking of various forms of ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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