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Old 07-28-2010, 10:47 PM
jkelly jkelly is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 168

Originally Posted by jbird View Post
Hm. What's perplexing me now, further, is the idea that polyamory means wanting multiple relationships. Whereas for her I'm pretty sure it's the other way around. she just wants to be able to have sex with someone else. I'm not sure which one is better - for me. If either.
Hm. Are you sure that the confusion is on her part?

If what she wants is to have casual sex while otherwise having a relatively mainstream relationship style, she's going to confuse people by identifying as poly- (like, for instance, all of the people on this forum who have responded to you). I happen to hold that people get to identify however they want, and that I don't get to trample on someone's self-identification just because I find it confusing, but... others disagree. Regardless, if I were you I would want to pin down exactly what she's talking about here. If what she wants is more of a classic open relationship, that's going to play out differently than her wanting a poly- relationship.

It's true that lots of poly- advice, literature, etc. can be very useful for people looking to have any kind of non-monogamous relationship, and I'd say it is worth the time on both your parts to explore that (Opening Up, for instance, spends a lot of time exploring different styles of non-monogamy). That said, I think that "I find myself wanting to have sex with someone other than my romantic partner" is a very different statement than "I want to simultaneously have multiple romantic partners", and the accompanying challenges are going to be different.
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