I thank you for you three for your input and advisement.
sage--your insight has helped me a lot. I totally agree that jealousy is unavoidable in this lifestyle, and the pain that can accompany it makes us better people. I have grown a lot since this all took place. Moreover, we have spoken in great detail about all of this...and we are excited about what lies ahead!
redpepper--I am thankful for your words as well. i will not rush or compete...i am just excited and ready to experience new things. i have a lot of love to give! we are reading "the ethical slut" together and so i am focusing, as you stated, on not blaming her. i am happy for her. i love her.
AutumnalTone--I totally appreciate the sentiment of your argument that i should not feel excluded when i was never expected to be included. i think it is important to know people like you who "call others out." i am often that way my self, thank you.
However, allow me to express these three clarfications:
a) I am VERY new to polyamory...hence the section under which this is posted.
b) it is (was) an issue of "feeling," not reason. I said "felt" left out and I always mean to imply a distinction between feeling and being. You are right that I was not actually left out because I was never in, but that is how I felt...as I hope you understand, I have baggage about this issue because of my past. i am growing. you are helping me. thank you.
c) I would argue that (even if it contradict my other point), in fact, I was left out because before this happened couple a and couple b were both monogamous, with the exception that both women from each primary (male-female) couple were sometimes in their own secondary coupling together. the aforementioned event, included the other male and thereby excluded me. clarification is key. please let me know if my logic is flawed.
Calling a Carl Prejektorinski to the front of the cathedral.
You have won."