Originally Posted by Superjast
In some ways, there is more freedom. With someone who is a potential secondary, or tertiary, it means I don`t have to worry about the small pet peeves that drive some couples crazy.
For example ;
- Useage and spending of joint money.
- Differing views on politics.
- Living habits.
- Any fundamental differences on raising children.
This is true for me too. I had a very long, complicated check list of what I wanted in a partner before I was married, because I knew what I needed to make me happy and secure long term. I only had relationships with people who could tick right boxes on my list.
Now I have someone I live with very happily, I don't need to worry about that as much. If I find another well-matched, potential primary, then that would be okay, but that isn't my only goal anymore. If we click, are attracted to each other, enjoy each other's company, then that is good enough for me, now; it just might not be a long-lasting relationship or a love-match.
The only new criteria I have now that I am married and poly, is the one that LovingRadiance
mentioned: respect for my marriage is absolutely crucial. In fact, this was one thing that attracted me to my bf - he understood that it was in his best interests that my marriage was happy, and he went out of his way to make friends with my husband. I couldn't date someone who was awkward around my husband, or who was uncomfortable or resentful about my marriage.