Thread: Unsure
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Old 07-27-2010, 09:52 AM
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Originally Posted by jawz78 View Post
Does this sound like some sort of extended swinging, even though there is no sex? I know its not that sex is off the table, they just for whatever reason have not gone that far.
It sounds like poly, not swinging. Especially because swinging is all about the sex, and they're not even doing that.

She says she does not mind if I get a girlfriend of my own. I often wonder if that's just because she feels bad that she has a boyfriend and I have to share her.
Could be out of guilt, or could be because she loves you and wants you to feel as good and happy as she feels. I prefer the second interpretation, but I don't know her. Ask her!

And if I was to find my own girlfriend, when do I bring up my situation? Do I only find people in this lifestyle or is this something that you wait three dates to bring up?
There's a lot of debate on that. The only real consensus is, before you have sex with them or use the word girlfriend with them. Aside from that, some people choose to only date people who are poly, others look at the whole dating pool but mention it before the first date, where still others wait until it looks like something might actually develop before dropping the P-bomb.

My personal choice is to tell people before I date them, in the spirit of open honesty. I'm not really interested in the work required to "convert" someone to poly who isn't already open to the idea at least.

I find that the term "open marriage" is less intimidating than "polyamorous." Although people will usually assume that means sex, I find that if someone isn't open to sharing sex, they probably aren't open to sharing love either.

I don't want sex, my wife gives me that, I want what she has. Neither of them have said "I love you", but I know they are there or at the very least, very close to it.
While there are no rules here, I have to say that your wife's arrangement is unusual. Most romantic relationship evolve to include sex. That being said, there are more than enough people who aren't interested in sex for whatever reasons. It does narrow your dating pool, but it doesn't eliminate it.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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