Originally Posted by immaterial
It sounds like you are being left. I am just giving you what comes across to me in your description. You sound like a classic secondary. For this to be more successful, IMO, you have to be almost 100% comfortable being the secondary, You are not. You would in fact rather be the primary.
If I were you, I would run away, very, very, very fast and not look back. It sounds like J has used you and would like to keep her options open to keep using you. This is very painful stuff but it seems like a departure is warranted, given the strong messages from J.
I didn't get that impression at all... It sounded to me like J wants a relationship with Eos, and is doing what she can to fit her life together. Clearly there's some room for improvement in the communication department, but that doesn't constitute using someone or keeping her options open.
Yeah, the boyfriend sounds like a bit of a tool. But like you said, it's her life and her decision. She clearly sees something in him that you don't, or else it's just some co-dependency going on.
I can relate to her desire for a "no-pressure" relationship, as it's something I'm open to as well. I'm married and one life partner is all I can handle psychologically and emotionally. And it's one more life partner than I ever thought I'd want, when I was younger :P
I prefer to let relationships develop organically rather than trying to shove them into some pre-defined mold. I also understand that some people are looking for a life partner, and those are not necessarily compatible.
The catch-22 is that if you want more out of life and you can't get it from her, and you're not really interested in dating other people while you're dating her, then you're stuck in a bit of a rut. You don't want to date other people as her "replacement" and only you can know whether you have the ability to love multiple people, possibly finding your own primary and then you and J would be each other's secondary...