Originally Posted by Livingmybestlife
I was just asking if when you discussed your relationship with your guy, if you let him know how you felt about the disregard you felt about your illness.
That they wouldn't even offer to have one come and the other go to the swimmeet.
No I didn't bring up the hospital incident. By the time we finally got to talk it was long done and over with...and I hate dragging up the past.
Part of it is my struggle with asking for help. I have old messages running around in my head about being "too clingy" or "too needy". No one has ever accused me of this, but the thoughts are there. I feel so damn vulnerable when I ask for help. And allowing myself to be more vulnerable is a work in progress for me. I'm making progress, but have a ways to go.
I had told him prior to the whole hospital incident that I felt more like a "secondary" in his life and didn't want to be in that role in a poly relationship. I told him that I wanted to be taken into consideration more in their decision making, to be more of an active partner in it, and that I wanted more than once a week phone contact with him since it's the only way we have to communicate regularly. (He's not fond of email. I had already made the request for more frequent contact....with him taking more initiative in making calls...a few months before that. He said he would try and do better at that time, but it didn't change much.) He told me he didn't intend for me to feel that way, and that the type of poly relationships he and his current partner were seeking were more as a "polyfamily", "sister-wife", "brother-husband" type of thing.
Sometimes I think that I'm so damn busy trying to be "fair"...and not "selfish"... with everyone else that I'm not fair to myself! (Probably the therapist in me coming out!