Originally Posted by FormerUnicorn
I want to preface my remarks by saying that I applaud you for preparing to talk with your husband. It's difficult and I respect the bravery that you must find in order to do so. I think you will find that your complete honesty will be such a relief to you, even if the consequences may be difficult.
Just because he hasn't asked and doesn't seem to want to know doesn't mean he doesn't need to know. The difference is very important, especially if you are hiding something hurtful from him. Besides, the fact that you believe that your husband would be unhappy if he knew about your actions is the real indication that you're not being truthful and honest with him.
I wish you a lot of luck.
Agreed former, I would also like to add that one of my big lessons learned in poly is to never assume or expect anything, checking is always better. If I want something to happen or need help, I never expect my partners to know; why should they, they can't read my mind; I ask. The same with assumptions; I don't assume that my partner is not interested, doesn't care or knows what is going on; I make sure they know and check. With poly, everything has to be spoken, there should never be anything left to assume or expect, that way all cards are on the table and everyone is on the same page all the time. It means that there is no catching people up, no surprises, everyone has had a chance to figure out what is going on for them in light of a situation and everyone is on board.