I don't understand how you could not commit to being honest. There seems to be some missed info here. If I am feeling that way then no doubt your husband and this man are. First of all you say this man is saying sexy fantasies in your ear, now you are saying it won't be sexual; then you say you had a good talk with your husband and started to be honest and now you have decided to keep him in the dark.
If you aren't going to be honest, if you aren't going to start being open and fess up, then what does the future hold? More deciept more cheating behaviour, not only on your husband but on the man's girlfriend too.
Come on! Seriously! You and he have decided to gloss over what is going on for you in order to protect it. You aren't as far as I'm concerned. You are setting yourself and everyone up for a world of suffering, hurt, disrespect, dishonesty, deception, and possibly break ups.
Nope, you are too far in it now it seems my friend. Ask for what you want. If you want to be able to hang with this guy and it not be sexual then what do you have to lose asking for that? My bet is that you DO want more and that you think you can't have it.
This man is dangerous I think. Both of you are dangerous to each other. There is no way in hell that if things go underground that they won't turn sexual. It is so easy to slide into that with little effort. Cheating has easy beginnings and really difficult disastrous results. If you put the work in now and tell your husband what is going on he could help you. You need his support in telling this guy that although you think he is the bees knees, he has a girlfriend and you have a husband to consider and that they come first.
If you really think your role is better as friendship then get your husband to help. Tell your husband, "look sweetheart, I fell in love with our friend with the girlfriend and we just want to be friends but I am struggling with the boundaries. I don't want to hurt you, or the girlfriend or what we all have, I need help to do what is right because my emotions are getting away on me and I am beginning to feel out of control. I know this because my instinct is to protect my love for this man by lying about it."
This is what I am understanding by what you post. Obviously I could be wrong, I feel a bit short of info, so I could be. Does any of this ring true?
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