Agreeing with sage on this one.
Its okay to have a need to have a date with someone will your partner does, but what is behind it? You say its hard for you and her to get together to have you own intimacy, so perhaps there is something you could do about that and see how you feel then. It could be you will not be thinking that way, or perhaps you need to have a date night with someone also at that time. No harm in that. More babysitters though.
As for asking if she has had sex? I need to know ahead of time if that is in the cards. So ya, I would want to know. Sex is a very important connecting and bonding experience to both me and my husband; I would want to know where his connection is at with them.
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