When I stop and think about it...I have a couple of good female friends who live near me and I didn't have to ask them or tell them I wanted/needed them to come and see me in the hospital. And....we have never discussed what our wants and needs are as friends related to when one of us is ill or hospitalized. (I hadn't been admitted to a hospital since having had my last child 24 years ago!) Admittedly they live near me, but it was still an 1 and 1/2 hour drive for them to come to the hospital and see me...after they had worked their full work week and have spouses and families to care for. They called me and said they were coming to see me when their work week was done and apologized that they couldn't be there sooner. Then when they got to the hospital and I was struggling with getting adequate medical care where I was at they told me "If you want to leave and go to another hospital you just tell us where and we'll drive you there." I decided to stay where I was after a discussion with the doctor.
My friends went on to do some shopping in another town that was one hour away. On their way back home they stopped back at the hospital to drop off some new pajamas they'd bought me because "You shouldn't have to go around with your backside hanging out in one of those horrible hospital gowns." Bless their hearts and thoughtfulness. I hadn't complained about the gown. I had gone in on an emergency basis and "it was what it was." But it sure felt good...more comfortable and humanizing...to get into my new pajamas!
One of their sons (18 years old) had come along so he could drive my car back home from the hospital rather than have it sit any longer in the parking lot. (And that son and his brother proceeded to wash and clean my car after taking it home because "we feel so bad for your friend, mom, and we just want to do something for her.") I also had several people from work tell me they were upset that I hadn't called them to have them drive me to the hospital ER when I was first admitted. (I hadn't wanted to bother anybody because I knew they had to go to work, and I wasn't really sure my condition was all that bad or serious.) I have no family near where I live. I live in Utah and most of my family lives back in Michigan.
It may be that since our guy is a nurse who works in the ER and she is a paramedic that their sense of urgency around medical issues is very different because of the critical nature of those they care for. But.....that doesn't meet my need for love and support when I'm struggling. And, I sure could have used a strong medical advocate because the hospital staff wasn't able to determine what was going on. I felt they weren't being very aggressive in their diagnostic attempts and were not doing very well with pain management. (This was a small hospital in rural Utah) I had discussed this situation with my guy on the phone while in the hospital. He was shocked at how lacking in knowledge and modern techniques for diagnosis and pain management this hospital was. A doctor I saw after my discharge from the hospital expressed similar thoughts and concerns, and even went so far as to say one of the pain meds they had given me was contraindicated for what they thought might be causing my pain.
Last edited by dragonflysky; 07-25-2010 at 06:17 AM.