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Old 07-25-2010, 05:09 AM
ok321go ok321go is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Tropic of Capricorn
Posts: 4
Default Poly and cheating - oh dear!

OK, here goes. I don't really have anyone to turn to, so I turn to teh interwebs!

I'm married to my partner, who I love dearly, and as our first foray into poly we were became involved with another couple. It was sort of a concurrent husband-wife and boyfriend-girlfriend quad-type thing. If that makes sense. Let's call them Alice, Bob and Carl. I'm married to Carl, and Alice and Bob are also married. I was dating Bob (and feelings between us were developing nicely) and was experimenting with Alice. Alice and Carl are in a sex-only relationship.

Alice and Bob used to date another couple, let's call them Dave and Emma. They were a quad for a while. Emma was quite abusive toward Bob, and he broke up with her after a year or so. Alice continued (and still continues) to see Dave (I found that a little odd, but there you are).

Emma had some other relationships after Bob, all of which ended, and then she contacted him and said she wanted to be his friend again. My red flags went up, as I'd met her before and didn't trust her intentions. I told this to Bob and he told me he wouldn't risk damaging our relationship over her.

Dave and Emma came down to visit and stayed with Alice and Bob, and Bob ended up sleeping with her. I was so anxious that it would happen. So now I'm really hurt and confused, and not having been in any sort of poly relationship before, am unsure of where to go from here. Bob was so apologetic and makes no excuses, though he did say it was an 'accident' and is deeply regretting it. I am pretty convinced that Emma wanted to tag along with Dave so she could break us up.

My partner Carl is pissed off at Bob and refuses to have anything to do with him... and I'm not sure what to do. (I see Alice and Bob quite often, since we're in the same sort of social group, so I at least want to hold onto the friendship)

So the question is: Should I hold on to a friendship with Bob? I think he's a good person - I genuinely think that he didn't mean to hurt me and made an extremely bad judgment call, which he admits. I won't be dating him anymore but Alice is a very close friend and I don't want things to be weird between us.

Thanks for reading... any advice? Thoughts?
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