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Old 07-24-2010, 08:01 PM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 264

What next then? Where will you go from here? What is the next baby step?
I think now I'm just content with the way things are. My friend lives 2 hours away; I don't see him often. We have started having weekly phone calls, and we've emailed every few days or so for the past year. Now when I do see him, I won't have to feel like it betrays my husband to be so in love. I don't need to add sex to the picture. In fact, sometimes I feel more special to this man because we don't have sex; his life (he's nearly 3 decades older than me) is full of ex-girlfriends, former flings, and 2 ex-wives. I don't ever want to be one of those to him. He's yearning for someone to be a dedicated, live-in partner or wife -a big reason his current live-out girlfriend is not working out for him -and I don't want to hamper that, nor could I fill that role. So we will go on as we are, and that is fine.

If your husband appreciates you for who you are, do you think there is a chance he will feel comfortable with you and your friend?
Meaning if my friend became a lover or boyfriend? I think my husband would not be comfortable with that. But with me loving him, sure.

One thing that my husband notably didn't ask me in our conversation last night was whether I am currently in love with anyone outside our marriage. He did not ask who I may have been in love with in our dozen years together. I'm sure he figured I'd tell him if I wanted him to know, but otherwise it's my private business. I don't think he's even particularly curious. In fact, his attitude about our whole conversation was that I was telling him all this to get it off my chest, not because he had any particular right or need to know. It amazes me how he can be so devoted to me, and at the same time, not try to own me, which has been an element of other relationships I've been in. God I love him!

I don't feel comfortable telling my husband who it is I've fallen for, partly in case it did make my husband want me to see less of him, and partly because I don't want to make things difficult for my friend -he's got to sort things out with his girlfriend, so it's not my place to publicize our connection. Still, I think I left it fairly obvious that there is someone right now, and if he chose to give it some thought, he could probably figure it out based on our recently having spent time together. Seems like he already knows we are close -he made some comment once about not knowing whether the 2 of us had ever had sex before he met me. And again, it wasn't a question, just an offhand remark, but clearly he sees the attraction that has always been there.

As for family... my mom has been nervous about this, and she doesn't know the half of it! She was terribly concerned when I said I was going out to dinner with my friend, when my husband wasn't in town with me. I assured her it was really ok for a married woman to eat at a restaurant with someone other than her husband, but still, she tried to cover up where I was when my husband talked to her that evening! I had already told my husband what I was doing, so that was just weird. Makes me think my mom must have poly leanings too, or she wouldn't have been so suspicious. She knows I adore my husband! Well anyway, I don't see any need for a "coming out" since I'm not likely to end up with a situation like yours, redpepper. Heavenly as it sounds! Great for your son, too! (I think my friend is more like a grandpa-figure to my kids, given our age difference, but it is still a joy to see.)

Oh yes, compared to my original post, I feel worlds better! Thank you for this support and education!
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