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Old 07-24-2010, 04:26 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,682

Thanks for the compliment. We do our best, but really it is us that have created that (you included because you write here), it gets passed on from one person to the next that comes on here. I have been here for 18 months. Almost from conception (four months off), I have seen such love here that is why I stay and will stay unless it changes to be drastically otherwise.

What great news for you. I bet you are riding high and confident today. I'm so happy for you. What a relief to get some stuff off your chest, eh (I'm canadian, sorry :P)?

What next then? Where will you go from here? What is the next baby step?

My husband sounds similar. Social anything is more of a chore sometimes than anything. He is not awkward or anxious, he just prefers to hermit. Eventually I need to boot him out to have the house to myself. I am not happy unless I am in a group of people. I am able to carry out my relationships quite naturally. I was born to I think. I don't seem to have any trouble. Nerdist on the other hand struggles every step of the way and I have to be patient, as I usually bare the brunt of his unability to focus on more than one person at a time.

If your husband appreciates you for who you are, do you think there is a chance he will feel comfortable with you and your friend?

I have a family too and at the beginning of seeing Mono there was a lot of adjusting. I neglected my family for sure. That's what happens when a relationship is added. Now the benefits are temendous; as I lie here next to Nerdist sleeping while our boy had a sleep over at Mono's. Ya! Not bad! My boy adores him. He is his "best buddy" he is an uncle/brother figure to him. This afternoon they are building a guinea pig hutch together. Its really BETTER with Mono.

On the other hand our coming out story to my parents was a disaster. They felt neglected for 6 months while I went through NRE and then at the end of it I told them about Mono, expecting them to have an "oooo, oh well then, that's okay" moment, they blew up instead. Long story of which there is a thead if you are interested.
Yes all very tricky, it is important to negotiate what it all will look like ahead of time. But remember that things change. I had no idea I would be where we are now. I dreamed for it, but didn't think it possible or feasable and here it is. Our boundaries were very tightly pulled in at first and we let them out slowly and when it felt right.

As to getting hurt? Well, that's just the luck of the draw. I can tell you that if you get hurt, it will make the bond and connection to your husband stronger. He gets to be the white knight and soooth you. Not such a bad deal as long as he can compose himself and let you run your own relationships. Swooping in to give someone hell is not going to be respectful or appropriate.

It sounds like your male friend is married also no? This is my big worry. Having intimate moments with him is cheating to most monogamous women. In my opinion there should be no more of that, or anything until she has been told, consulted, considered and respected.

It sounds like you are in a good place, regardless as its a better place than your first post I'm happy for you.
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