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Old 07-23-2010, 01:25 PM
EugenePoet EugenePoet is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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You're choosing to re-affirm your marriage with a man you love, and put the needs of that relationship first. You've examined your life and are making conscious, self-aware decisions about how you want to live. I admire you. That's a very loving decision.

I'm not so wise. Recently new love and its possibilities took me by storm and overturned a bunch of things I thought I knew about myself. I believed I was getting what I needed, until I spent time with another woman and realized what a joy it could be and what I was aching for without knowing it. (The French have a great phrase for sudden love: coup de foudre, a strike of lightning.) After that I could not go back to the way it was before. Impossible.

Perhaps what I mean to write is, beware the coup de foudre! You have decided to sublimate a certain side of your personality by allowing yourself emotional closeness with another man but not sexual closeness. We all do that, none of us are complete hedonists who indulge every urge. So what you're doing is not intrinsically unhealthy. But if one builds up a gradual feeling of longing for what might have been, a sense of buried and denied desire, then it's possible that those things will surface suddenly and without warning.

I don't know how to avoid this except perhaps by searching out and acknowledging the buried and denied things, understanding them, and keeping them in mind. Hard work. It's something I'm working on, certainly.

Last edited by EugenePoet; 07-23-2010 at 01:28 PM.
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