touch in my triad
I think my little triad follows the rule of being in the other person's shoes. We are all comfortable kissing, hand holding, hugging, snuggling in each others' presence, but we are also aware of the headspace that the other member is in. i.e. If R had a shit day, he may not necessarily feel up to seeing me kiss and cuddle L. He may need to be the center of some snuggle. We save the really in tune, 1 to 1 contact for date nights. I will say though that this issue became much easier once we identified that the underlying feeling of discomfort in watching physical contact was often one of feeling left out or 3rd wheel-ish. We did alot of processing about if that is a true assessment of the situation, or if the reality is that sometimes 2 people need/want to share a cuddle or kiss... and we all value and respect the individual relationships present, so we accept it and appreciate the beauty of being allowed to see the physical evidence of what people feel for each other.
R tends to be a very, very, very snuggly person. He wants to cuddle as often as allowed, and likes to sleep fully draped over someone if allowed to. L is less inclined to snuggle or be touchy feely. In fact, because of this I find that when she does reach out for physical contact it feels very sincere and intimate because it is not an every 2 second thing. I tend to hate excessive physical contact. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I have a mental block that it feels controlling. I like to kiss my partners when I greet them, I like a hand to hold when I'm crying, and I like some post sex intimacy. But, not a fan of 8 hours of spooning and hug fests. Just not my thing. So, we do alot of negotiating with the different touch tolerances in our group.
And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair
- Kahlil Gibran