Thank you for having to patience to post basically the same response three times. After reading all three in succession just now, I think I am starting to understand it. I think Christie feels similar to how you have put it. In my mind, your responses are answering the implied question of her original thread title. (not that others haven't been helpful too!)
We just have our differences at the moment. Christie wants the "truly poly" you described. And I want the "mono situation where your partner doesn't mind you having close, emotional friendships but wouldn't want those friendships to be physically intimate". She has been kind enough to allow my desire to be how things are for now until I feel I can process it all.
As for our own dry spells, I do view those as externally imposed by the @ssholes who thought they could have their way with a young girl/woman. If it weren't for them, likely Christie would not have associated all the negative feelings with sex. Whenever those would become too much is when we typically had to stop for a while.