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Old 07-22-2010, 10:39 AM
EugenePoet EugenePoet is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 145

redpepper and Mono give good advice.

Also, since your husband has never been serious with anyone but you in his life it might be good to talk with a therapist -- it might help to have someone who has seen a lot of human behavior say, "You know, relationships really do come in shapes and sizes other than monogamous one-on-one, and I know many such relationships which are beautiful and healthy." A wise professional may be able to say things to your husband that would disturb him deeply if they came straight from you.

For this I recommend phoning around and finding a therapist who has counselled poly couples before and who seems to fit your personality. Consider whether your husband would more comfortable hearing this from a woman or a man, too. If you've never done therapy before: a professional will not judge you or your husband, will not take sides, and will concern himself or herself with helping you understand yourselves and your marriage.

Your description points up something very important about poly: your friendship with the other man does not detract from the love you give your husband, it enhances it. When you come back from meeting your friend you want your husband more, not less. In my (limited) understanding, that's what poly can do: add to the total love in relationships.

Be careful, though. Men who are relatively inexperienced sometimes get ambushed by emotions that they don't know they have. Guys who have been through several infatuations, romances, and breakups have felt some of these things and kind of know what to expect; your great guy may not.

I know you'll be gentle, but...well, be VERY gentle!
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