Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
There's nothing wrong with you. You do have a bank of negativity towards poly in general that is clear in your self expression...which is not a slag, just an observation. I have some too but not to this degree. I also have some negativity towards monogamists as well so it's not relationship style specific.
I think, for what you want out of a relationship, as long as you stop thinking so much you will be fine. You don't see her very often, but you both enjoy each other. You have a DADT policy of sorts with regards to the other guys so I recommend you expand on it. I wouldn't say this if I thought you were heading towards dreams of a white picket fence and co-habitation, but in this case it doesn't look like you want that. You do not sound ready to be the tree for her to lean on for support with her other relationships and there is nothing wrong with that. Perhaps she needs to be told this and than she can decide if this works for her. The details of her other relationships seem to be tearing you apart so cut them out of your relationship. She doesn't expect you to fulfill all of your needs (that's a part of being poly for many people) so let her find some one to fill that need who is ready for the job of support.
And don't close yourself off to other connections. She is the one person you love, you're monogamous, I get that. But for me monogamy does not include the idea of life long bonding necessarily...it's not a rule. It merely means I love one person at a time intimately. If I lose that connection I may or may not form another one. You may encounter (not find because that implies searching) some one who is better suited for you for the long haul. Just don't close your heart totally is what I am trying to say.
I like this post a lot. I have already supported her very much when she lost one of her SOs who went back to mono and was no longer there for her. I'm always there for her no matter what. She was very stressed out over it and It made me feel bad so I was there. the "rules" over other SOs I feel we do still need to muck about in and It needs to be done. I kinda wish she would be more up to going over such things.
The connection I've formed with this person is strong and I just do not like "hooking up" or shifting relationships.
Far to much work and I prefer my attentions in these aspects to be on one person. I like where things go with us and developing something else is just not my bag.